Between Naps

I’ve done all the homework for this week, it’s Friday afternoon, and I’m apparently not getting off the sofa today. I’ll have to go to a grocery store at some point, I guess – down to the last can of cat food and the babies need to eat. Might drop off some junk at a thrift store donation site whilst I’m out. I dunno

The heat is a lot. No, that’s bullshit. In this kinda weather, I could be out in the Nat’l Forest shifting rocks out of swimmin’ holes and pesterin’ critters*. The reason I’m not moving much is that I’m bombarded every day by the horrorshow that is the collapse of Western Civilization. Or maybe just the US, though I’m hearing rumbles from Canada. I’m not at all bothered that capitalism is crumbling, or that the government is coming apart at the seams. I’ve been looking forward to those things happening for a few decades now. The US has always been a white supremacist empire with a thin veneer of lies and propaganda, but the process leading to the inevitable end is taking forfuckingever. And I’m not at all confident that the side I’ll be on is making any kinda preparations**, whilst the fascists are stockpiling weapons and doing drills daily. The mass shootings, climate catastrophes, people dying of easily preventable causes, convicted and creditably accused celebrity rapists facing little or no consequences, politicians pushing and passing laws to harm children, all of it, everyday, and so many people saying “You know, friends, I’m beginning to think there might be something wrong” and I’m all “I been screaming about this for years, ya dumb fucks” and nothing continues to get done.

Fuuuuck.

And then I log into the local community college site and I’m s’posed to read some short story that was published in the fuggin’ New Yorker in 194fuggin’8 and pretend I give a flat fuck about it for 250-300 words because I need those 3 credits for my BA which I gotta have before I can spend another two years*** pretending I care about Luther’s Doctrine of Two Kingdoms and some other white guy’s interpretation of the Trinity**** so I can get my MA so I can finally be ordained*****. It’s all bullshit. The best thing about that Intro to Literature class was being assigned to watch and write about Pan’s Labyrinth, which is a furkin’ masterpiece and I found myself envying the rebels living in the woods. Gimme an M-1 and a bedroll. I’m ready to go camping and do guerrilla raids on the homes of Orange Franco’s officers.

And I’m trying to get my head right for seminary. I’ve got a few things left to do for the BA, stupid little hoops that I gotta jump through, but I’m starting as a non-matriculated seminarian in a couple months. My academic career thus far has been all drudgery and useless data, but seminary could be different. I’m really hoping it will be.I really want to find myself actually learning new material, having my heart and mind opened to aspects of the Bible and religion and Jesus and serving God and other people in the world in ways that I would not be able to do otherwise. I can see how some of the stuff that came up in the BA program had an affect on something – I was studying organizational management while trying to co-manage a small business that was a burning circus and my colleagues grew increasingly hostile about my attempts to organize the place until I got out which led to me getting the job at the shelter which I love and which made me see that I am more than qualified to work with homeless folx and that I reeeaeaeally love doing so. I’m aware that college is more than just the trivia the profs drone on about. There is a very real possibility that I need to be transformed in order to serve God and other people and seminary is how God plans to make that happen. I want to go in humble. When I’m humble, I’m ready to receive and it’s not nearly as difficult for me. If I start off right and my instructors actually know what they’re talking about, I’ll be able to learn. Well, I learned a bit in the Bible class I took during my BA, even though the prof in that one was a bozo. He had enough sense to rely heavily on the Bible Project – https://bibleproject.com/ – which is a good resource.

I think I’m smart. So far, there hasn’t been anything in college to convince me otherwise. Sure, that Gen Bio class was too much, but that was because I didn’t give a tinker’s damn and knew it didn’t matter. In the fall semester, I’ma take Geology, which’ll be simpler and somewhat interesting because I am curious about why some of the rocks out by the creeks are harder than others. I really want to be caught up in learning. Whether that happens or not, I’ll at least be studying shit I care about. And I’ll have to write 800-1000 word essays in MLA 8th edition format with 5-10 sources, blah blah.

The shelter is reopening in July. We had orientation/training for newbs t’other day. Some of ’em won’t make it, but they all looked solid. Thick, redneck women over thirty are ideal for the job. They have compassion, but ain’t putting up with shit. There was one dude – maybe thirty, bit of a comedian – who I doubt will last long. Two weeks and I’ll be back to doing that work, which’ll get me up and outta the house. And the kid is coming over every two weeks, so there’s that.

I know a lotta folx’re struggling. I did a painting gig, so I got money coming from that, and the gov’t owes me some tax refund which I might see someday. I’m not worried about this month’s mortgage payment. By next month, I’ll be flush again. I don’t expect to get the delta variant or the phi beta kappa or whatever comes after that. Still kinda difficult, though.

*The kid came over for a four-day weekend, first time since covid started. We went out to the woods three days, waded, swam, caught crawdads, all the usual. Sat on rocks eating PB&J, contemplating bugs and drawing on rocks with other rocks. In the evenings, we watched movies and shows, ate ice cream, talked about whatever it was. I love my kid more than any other human being.

**I’ve seen some action on Twitter – people urging others to have their passports up to date and their bug out plan ready, which is a good idea. The kid’s mom and I have a shelter in place location picked out, and a plan to get the kid out. The mom will be accompanying the kid. I am sure that my job is to stay and be part of the resistance or underground or whatever.

***Or three or eight or however long it takes.

****It’s a shamrock!

*****I said I’d follow up about the educational requirements thing. I talked with someone at ELCA HQ in Chicago. I felt heard, but didn’t have any indication that anybody was gonna get right on making it easier to get ordained anytime soon. I didn’t expect that. I did let them know that I exist and I got ideas, so they can look forward to more of that. When I got the MA and I’m on the roster, I’ll be in a better position to shake things up. I’m also gonna be askin’ them for funds for whatever project I got goin’ on at that point, so I don’t wanna go in guns blazin’.